Mar 27 2009
Becoming an Interviewer!
It occurs to me that I could really get into giving, instead of receiving, an employee interview….
I compiled a list of questions for a prospective new employee to answer once under my tender and thorough attention, and I figured I may as well share.
1) “If I decided to bring you on board the “team” what is the absolute lowest wage you can survive on?” A question designed to weed out anyone that actually believes they are worth something.
2) “What does being hired mean to you?” Here is the part where we find out if they try to bribe me, be generous now.
3) “Please provide at least four examples of an oxymoron?” Lets see just how creative they can be.
4) “We send you to a swamp to drain it. You are standing on the only dry land within 5 miles, and you are surrounded by alligators. The plug is under five feet of water about 30 feet from the land. We will of course supply you with a hard hat, safety goggles, a tooth pick, a long straw, and a GPS device. What do you do?” This is of course a timed question….
5) “If you were crash landed on a deserted island during a business trip, what is the first thing you would do?” any answer not directly related to building a generator from plane parts to power up your laptop and getting your job done is basis for circular filing your application.
6) “Another employee comes to you with a very creative suggestion, that would drastically improve the companies bottom line. Please draw a square around the most appropriate answer and add little hearts and flowers.”
a) Take that fantastic new idea straight to my nearest supervisor so they can take credit for it.
b) Take the new employee to the CEO’s office and introduce the two, stepping gracefully out of the way and back into the shadows of anonymity.
c) Spray the person in the face with pepper spray, screaming obscenities at them while telling them how useless the idea is, and take the CEO to lunch to discuss your new plan….
7) “I send you to the store to buy some items with a twenty dollar bill. The total comes to $18.53. Do you bring me back a double latte, a chocolate donut, and $1.47 ? Anyone not bright enough to get this right is immediately disqualified!
I think I would be a valuable addition to any HR department….
Thomas H. Forthe
