DementedBlogger

When I first moved down here I knew things were very different from what I was used to, but it took a few years to realize just how different the difference was and how deep it ran….

Looking at one example- the heating, and air conditioning supply houses- reveal a whole new world when it comes to customer service and business sense.

There is no, one stop shop, supply house here. There is no place that you can go and get everything you need to install a system in this city. 

You cannot suggest new items to stock, or even order them here. They will tell you their headquarters will not allow them to order it and they will not even try!

It is bad enough so that most of the contractors around here order in parts and supplies from out of town…

Now one enterprising contractor has begun stocking his own items and selling to everybody. Oops, all those supply houses that were being idiotic left a huge door open that one business took advantage of.

All of the supply houses here are seeing a major loss of business from the economic disaster we are in ,and now because of their own poor planning they are losing even more business to one company that saw the potential.

We are talking about alot of supply houses here, and not just one or two.

It took me five tries just to find the heating and cooling unit I needed for this house. I took six stops to find one company that had the supplies I needed to install that system. It only took two stops to find a company that would build the few items I need that can’t be bought here at all.

Pretty sad!

Thomas H. Forthe

It used to be easy to find something to laugh at even if it was painful, especially if it was painful to someone else…

Take a friend of mine for instance, we were making rockets from a soda can, a bucket of water and a firecracker.

Drill a hole big enough to stick the fuse through in the bottom of an empty pop can that has the end cut out, put the open end facing down in a bucket of water, light the fuse and watch the can soar into the air….

Add one friend that decided to light the fuse while looking straight down at the can and you have a recipe for disaster that was hilarious! Or at least it was after we were sure he wasn’t hurt in a serious fashion. Nothing worse than the imprint of a pop can in the forehead, a back flip, and a spilled beer… if only they had video cameras then.

I don’t know who was more surprised, us not being able to scream that, that was a bad idea in time, or him seeing a Black Cat firecracker, with no burn time, propelling a pop can into his forehead, and attempting to put them both into orbit.

Thomas H. Forthe

It occurs to me that I could really get into giving, instead of receiving, an employee interview….

I compiled a list of questions for a prospective new employee to answer once under my tender and thorough attention, and I figured I may as well share.

1) “If I decided to bring you on board the “team” what is the absolute lowest wage you can survive on?” A question designed to weed out anyone that actually believes they are worth something.

2) “What does being hired mean to you?” Here is the part where we find out if they try to bribe me, be generous now.

3) “Please provide at least four examples of an oxymoron?” Lets see just how creative they can be.

4) “We send you to a swamp to drain it. You are standing on the only dry land within 5 miles, and you are surrounded by alligators. The plug is under five feet of water about 30 feet from the land. We will of course supply you with a hard hat, safety goggles, a tooth pick, a long straw, and a GPS device. What do you do?” This is of course a timed question….

5) “If you were crash landed on a deserted island during a business trip, what is the first thing you would do?” any answer not directly related to building a generator from plane parts to power up your laptop and getting your job done is basis for circular filing your application.

6) “Another employee comes to you with a very creative suggestion, that would drastically improve the companies bottom line. Please draw a square around the most appropriate answer and add little hearts and flowers.”          

a) Take that fantastic new idea straight to my nearest supervisor so they can take credit for it.

b) Take the new employee to the CEO’s office and introduce the two, stepping gracefully out of the way and back into the shadows of anonymity.

c) Spray the person in the face with pepper spray, screaming obscenities at them while telling them how useless the idea is, and take the CEO to lunch to discuss your new plan….

7) “I send you to the store to buy some items with a twenty dollar bill. The total comes to $18.53. Do you bring me back a double latte, a chocolate donut, and $1.47 ? Anyone not bright enough to get this right is immediately disqualified!

I think I would be a valuable addition to any HR department….

Thomas H. Forthe

 ”How much do you need to make in order to live?” is the first question. ”Well now, I’d have to say $10,000 an hour ought to just about cover it….”

“Where do you see yourself in ten years?”came next. “Sitting on my private island, sipping a large tropical drink covered from the sun by an umbrella, and sending you hate mail….”

 ”What can you bring to our company, that no one else can?” to which I quickly reply, “Three things, that I can guarantee, no other company on the planet will have: me, myself, and I!”

 ”Why would you be a better fit for us than any other applicant we have?” came another genuinely generic question from the genius. “Oh! I know this one” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Because of my extended stay at the Psyche ward!” I exclaim with glee while studying my twirling fingers dance before my eyes.

“Why should I hire you?” the final query. “Well now, I may not be the expert here, but I think I’m ALOT more qualified for this position than you are, don’t you agree? There’s the door now get your damn feet off my desk!”

He nearly made it out the door before he realized it was his business, after all….

Thomas H. Forthe

Life got in the way, but tomorrows is already awaiting publication in the morning….

Remember  the good old days when you found a job by walking in the door, shaking hands, and going to work?

Not anymore… Now we have the interview, a malicious event contrived to make a prospective employee nervous and uncomfortable!

Wonderful questions, like, “What can you bring to our company?” My mind automatically answers, “me!” That is not what they want to hear however, an answer of me will only get you another interview with a different employer as the last one carefully circular files your resume….

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” to which I quickly say, “On a beach, drinking Margaritas!” Wrong answer.

“What special skills can you bring to the company?” they ask. ”Does the super human ability to cash my paycheck at the speed of light count?” I counter.

 Strangely enough they also want to know about hobbies. Also strangely enough, answering “Shrinking heads and collecting public restroom poetry.” was also frowned upon.

Panic set in once the loyalty question was asked, and thoughts of pretasting food for poison entered my head….

Maybe I am simply not cut out for the new personal interviews of today.

Thomas H. Forthe

Yup you heard it here first, I need a day off! I worked for it , I earned it, and now I am taking it…

I don’t know why, but writing a blog post every day is trying. I have a really hard time coming up with worthwhile topics, and I haven’t seen the news this morning to roast any politicians from.

The scientist’s need to study the political mind and find out how genetically advanced it is to be able to lie that well and keep a straight face! Points should also be given for re-direction and avoiding questions as well.

Maybe I’ll go fishing or wash the truck instead of trying to write a blog post today. Watching the squirrels this morning gave me nothing for a topic to write on, but I am pretty sure if I could only converse with one it could give me ideas. They always outwit our cats, and I am beginning to think those little minds are very advanced for their size considering they love to tease a creature with fangs and claws that would love to catch one.

Watch a squirrel seem to turn its back on a cat only to be sitting half way up a tree by the time the cat arrives and you will see what I mean.

Maybe I’ll use this day off from writing to work on the yard it could use it. At any rate this lack of blog posting for the day will give me time to do something constructive or at least I hope it does.

Have a great day and perhaps I will write a post tomorrow when I decide to come back to work. Hmmn, so much for a non writing day eh? I hate when that happens!

Thomas H. Forthe

The worst of the proposed taxes are hidden and easily found.

They are not income taxes, but added taxes everyone has to pay. Increased fuel tax at the pump by $1.50 a gallon, utility taxes, cigarette taxes (State and Federal), and more tax on everything else that you need to live.

The Obama administration is being very underhanded about it, and trying to hide it while giving a $400.00 tax cut to families. How is that going to help when the excess bill is going to reach upwards of $18,000 per household?

They have created no new jobs to speak of, and cost a very large amount of employees their livelihoods from the panic induced by the budget as employers cut back just to try to survive.

I wonder how they are going to fund the budget when less and less of the country is working? If you cannot find a job, you won’t be paying taxes! If you cannot afford to drive your car you may have a hard time going to work….

Thomas H. Forthe

I truly wish I could produce humor today from the mess our Government is making! It seems like a daily ritual that new ignorance is exposed to the public as more and more idiocy from our Government is uncovered.

We the American public, every last one of us, will get the burden of paying this so called administrations horrific blunder.

 They have now estimated that every household will see an added tax burden of between eighteen and nineteen thousand dollars next year.”They” being the few who can decipher the legalese that the new budget is buried under….

Obama has called on his once loyal supporters to go door to door and push for his budget… I really hope they are dumb enough to come to mine. I would love to see them explain to me why I should want to pay it… that is if I can find a job any time soon. Not highly likely with all the lay-offs from the panic the new budget/stimulus package has caused so far.

Perhaps Nancy Pelosi can also explain to all the American citizens why we need to take a back seat to illegal aliens.

Maybe when we get sick enough of her to impeach her she can find refuge with them in her time of need. What part of the term “illegal” does she not understand? And just when was it not part of her job to uphold the laws and constitution of this Country? She has broken the trust of her position and needs to be removed, if she cannot do her job give it to someone that will. I am quite sure there will be a very long line of prospective candidates.

Thomas H. Forthe

I want to scream this morning about the new administration and its idiocy and yet I also feel the need to laugh. How does one choose?

Obama wants to take all the veterans benefits away and make a soldier injured in combat cover the medical expense with private insurance. What will he think of next?

Maybe he can make every road in America a toll road to increase his tax base, making main street USA a very expensive trip for groceries.  

 Or get everyone to install meters to monitor the amount of oxygen we use for tax purposes…

After all if he can bail out the automakers and then kill them by a massive gas tax why worry about the little guy.

Political intelligence… the new oxymoron of the day!

Thomas H. Forthe