DementedBlogger

Eight days ago I had a brilliant idea… now look at me. I have inherited a disaster at work, one another company started, screwed up, was ejected from, and one I really wish I had a lot less involvement in now.

The stress is unreal, this job is going on two years old and it is only a three story motel. I inherited the headache about a month ago, and about eight days ago the general contractor went into hyper drive… They tried to get me to finish two weeks worth of work in two days, but were informed that I am the son of a diesel mechanic, and that my name is not Jesus… find your miracles elsewhere.

Eight days ago I had one more complete tooth in my head, two days ago that changed when one of them broke off….

Eight days ago my boss could sort of remember what he had told me previously, now he is asking me why things are being done “his” way. Ouch, ever argue with your boss about he/she telling you to do something and that is exactly why it is the way it is?

Eight days ago one of our cats had not gotten into a fight with something that creates infections when it bites, another hundred dollars to cure….

Eight days, not much of a stretch in a time wise sort of way, but try those eight days without even a single cigarette. Yuppers, eight “daze” ago I put them down, eight days of hell, eight days of stress above and beyond normal, eight days of withdrawals not even Dante could describe….

Yes, you heard me right- I quit smoking! After somewhere around thirty five years of intentionally breathing smoke and nicotine, here I sit eight days into a new era for me.

 Funny how I don’t feel really good about it just yet. I guess I always thought the withdrawals would be over by now. Nope, they keep on coming… maybe by eighty days?

Dealing with all the crap I have with the light headed, maybe I won’t die from this after all, DAMMIT attitude… Don’t even consider asking me how far I would walk for a camel right now! I probably would at least consider changing shoes multiple times as they wore out….

Thomas H. Forthe

Our world was blessed by a new wonder last night, a baby girl. At seven pounds and fourteen ounces she announced her presence to the world with a loud squall….

Twenty and a half inches of shear girl power, I can hardly wait to see her in person!

All participants are healthy and very happy, though tired.

Becoming a grandfather is a new feeling for me, one I will cherish right along side of the births of my two sons. The proud father was in attendance for the birth, and was as awe inspired as I was when I saw him for the first time.

Her proud daddy had more sense than his proud dad did… I hauled him out to show him off only to be dragged back in the room by a scolding nurse, politely informing me that they were not done with him yet. Hey she handed him to me, I thought I could show him the world….

 Thomas Forthe

I once wished that I had the ability to remember everything that ever happened detail by detail, like other people I have met during the course of my disaster err life.

Remembering dates would be nice, like birthdays, and the years of special events could be helpful, but apparently that particular higher function of my brain has always been beyond my grasp.

However; a faulty memory can, at times, be a good thing. To forget is divine… shouldn’t that be added to the list of great literary quotes?

 There are things I wish I could forget, like ol’ whats her name that I misspent my youth on (unfortunately, that name is burned into my mind, and refuses to be bleached out.)… being arrested, for of all things, forgetting to pay a traffic ticket would also be nice.

The young girl who stole my heart, and returned it shattered and bleeding, or so it seemed at the ripe old age of seventeen. She is solely responsible for ol’ whats her name to get her talons on the broken pieces and keep them for nearly a decade. Ok, so I lied, it was my own stupid fault, but it sounds better to the idiot author! Just because little miss right dumped me is no reason to settle for little miss not even close!

Out of simple fairness I should point out that little miss alien invasion did produce a perfect son, one that was the true bright spot in nearly a decade of self induced home invasion by a transient species.

An apology is in order, I am not, nor have I ever been perfect, (if I was, it is merely a faulty memory.) and she was not solely to blame… I may not have been her idea of Mr. perfect either, but I really can’t remember.

Now if only I could find my mind, I seem to have misplaced it!

Thomas H. Forthe

I seem to be locked in a time loop. Everything is reverting to my teen years, and because I can, with the aid of the Internet I am reliving memories I vaguely remember….

The band “Sweet” returned to the forefront of my conscious, a by product of Youtube, and the Internet age. “Ballroom Blitz” was a distant memory until, with a few strokes of the keyboard, the song roared back to life complete with memories of jamming out to it on a “cruise” night! I don’t know how I never managed to store the bands name in memory back then… perhaps an herb had a role to play in that particular faulty memory, or a girl, or well, we’ll stop there and leave it to the collective imaginations….

All I know is after visiting Amazon, I now own “Sweets” greatest hits… and “Hearts”, I know, I have a new addiction! Not all the oldies are on Youtube, but the list is growing and the collection is too.

The good old days weren’t always that good though, if memory serves, there were days I would much rather forget. Not all memories are meant to be shared, and in certain cases, I truly wish the brain had a delete function and I could eradicate a few dozen or so!

When immortalizing teenage memories I find it useful to occasionally look back at those to remind myself that doing it all over again is really not an option, or at least, not one I would ever care to utilize.

Music is normally a safe zone though, and as long as I avoid ol’ whats her names favorite song, I do ok. Strange how a song can trigger memories strong enough to nearly relive them.

Set aside some time, log onto Youtube, and let the fog of years fade away… there’s a teen inside you just itching to get out and jam!

Thomas H. Forthe

How many of us flow through life, carefully laying aside keep sakes for a quick trip down memory lane? How many of us reach a point where memory lane can fill a large storage shed?

I once thought I had cleared out a large batch of memories, but on closer inspection I found I had merely stored it for later. I am pretty sure that I do not stand alone in my folly.

In today’s economic idiocy, it pays to slash unnecessary bills, and one good place to start is the insidious storage shed.

Why I chose to keep three copies of certain books is beyond me, for that matter, so is how I came to acquire three copies….

Partial Encyclopedias, not complete sets mind you, but two or three books hold certain special memories of grocery store specials that were not so special.

A coffee cup collection, carefully wrapped in old newsprint is another necessity that everyone should have the privilege of paying to store! Lids to cooking pots that have long missed their match, and broken yard tools that ended up replaced because I forgot they were gathering rust, awaiting their call to glory.

Clothing that might one day be needed in a pinch, such as if they quit making more… nuclear winter anyone?

Old furniture that would grace any fireplace in the country, need I say more?

Thomas H. Forthe

I made a new acquaintance the other day… the shop pet. He wandered out from under his lair, coming out to explore the open expanse of concrete and survey his kingdom!

He was in plain site for several minutes before scurrying back underneath things that aren’t really easily moved. We didn’t name him/her, he/ she just is…

I’m not entirely sure of the exact species anymore than the gender, but arachnid’s of that size usually bring to mind only one, tarantula….

Now, I’m not a gambling man, but the odds of him climbing my leg to get in a really good bite are pretty small, so he we didn’t tear the shop apart to terminate his pest control contract. I just won’t be reaching into areas that I can’t see into any time soon.

As long as he doesn’t decide to get the urge to share my lunch, we will get along fine.

It never ceases to amaze me what can end up in the backyard pond… especially when it is connected to the bay, and the bay is connected to the Gulf of Mexico….

I had leaping Manta rays last weekend, flinging themselves out of the water in a vain attempt at flight.

I have seen sharks, both large and small, cruising the end of the bayou for unwary prey.

Dolphins are our favorites though, and always cause a commotion when they drop in to spread awe and the occasional coronary… My neighbor nearly fell off the dock when a 10 footer thrashed madly trying to catch lunch a few years ago. He was standing on his dock facing away from the Dolphin when it started after its luckless meal, chasing it into the shallows and nearly up the boat ramp to catch it. The rooster-tails of water were really flying off that mammal, but the neighbor held his own, windmilling to keep from tipping from the edge of the dock and into the water with who knows what in it… his back still turned to the water.

This morning a mother and child tag team of Dolphins were creating quite the show, chasing the locals around, and splashing. I ended up with several good photos after running for the house to retrieve the camera, coffee had been foremost on my mind until the Dolphins cavorting begged for pictures!

Two of those pictures are featured here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1935318/dolphins_in_the_backyard_.html?cat=7

and I have posted one more here on the blog.

Thomas H. Forthe

The IRS tried to contact me, by e-mail no less… I simply could not pass up the opportunity to respond.

Now that several hundred filthy rich Nigerian relatives have passed from this world, and left their long lost cousin from the era of neanderthal a huge fortune, and the United Nations has stepped in and dropped me a line to kindly let me know that this is as real as it gets… Why even the FBI has sent a Internet note to back it all up and ease my mind, telling me that this cannot possibly be a scam!

The IRS in their wisdom is trying to add to my fortune… evidently they missed those millions of dollars careening in from all of those relatives just dying to leave me a heritage that will support me long after Social Security ceases to function!

To receive this windfall, all I have to do is submit my refund payment… that’s right, submit it. I can download the pertinent form right from my e-mail, a mere 213KB file, and submit it right away so they can send me my $733.50, I bet if I download it I will get a few bonuses too! I would bet that there are a yacht or two and some gold bullion just lying around the IRS offices that they can send along with my check….

The e-mail did come with a stern warning, anyone providing false information would be “pursued and indicated”! I don’t know about you, but the last thing in this world that I want to have done to me is to be “indicated”.

It must have been a typo, they had to have meant the lesser penalty of “syndicated” which carries a much smaller fine and jail sentence!

Good ol’ IRS, always willing to instill fear of torture over “submitting” a refund payment.

Perhaps I should consider moving to Nigeria, obviously the tax laws are simpler and one can amass a fortune in no time, and the Government there has already been kind to me… all those nice e-mails they sent to let me know how to send my money to claim my inheritance…

Thomas H. Forthe

The winners of Accentuate Services “Reality” Theme contest were announced Friday afternoon.

First place was filled by Lindsay Maddox.

Second place went to Terrie Schultz.

There were three thirds awarded

Chris Williamson, Robert Arend, and Gillian. I am unable to find Gillian’s last name to announce it, my apologies for that.

Congratulations to all these fine authors! I am looking forward to reading their stories when the book is in hand, and anticipate many more from each of them.

Thomas H. Forthe

Michy, announced the winners of the Accentuate Services short story contest’s “reality” theme tonight.

I will be giving a complete list of all the winners tomorrow here on the blog. Congratulations to all of them!

I am honored to have been given the editor’s pick on my own story, and will be included in the anthology that will go to print in December I believe, I will have to check the date to be sure but December is sticking in my mind at this point.

Until tomorrow,

Thomas H. Forthe